on conformity

I read the start of a series on TheINFJCafe's blog and I'm looking forward to reading more. Something that was mentioned as part of the INFJ type is nonconformity. I've always been a nonconformist, though many times in the past it has caused issues for me.

I'm not a fan of being the center of attention unless I'm leading a group or presenting to a large audience. Being a nonconformist kind of goes hand in hand with being noticed - maybe not the center of attention but definitely noticed. I used to be much more audacious with my self expression - I used to flaunt my differences. With all of the teasing and bullying I put up with from middle school through high school, one would think I would just strive to blend in but no. Fuck that. I wore vintage clothes, polyester pant suits, high waisted Navy jeans, ponchos, hats with veils...whatever I wanted. I was still picked on but at least I was being me. I guess it didn't hurt that I felt I was better than those bullies either.

I've always felt that disconnect between myself and other people. That somehow I was not the same as them. When I was younger, I had a theory that it was just because I was an alien sent to live on Earth and learn the ways of its inhabitants. I'm assuming that isn't the case (you never know though...) and I really am a human, albeit a different breed of human.

So back to the question of conformity.

Years ago I decided to ditch contact lenses. My eyesight is so poor I need custom ones and they were over $800 per pair. Instead, I made the decision to go back to glasses. Now, I wore glasses from age 3 to age 14. Then contacts until I was 30. This was a big deal and I didn't want boring frames. I went with my favorite color: Chartreuse.

I love my glasses and have been wearing them for about 4 years so I often don't think about the fact that I'm wearing them. It's been long enough that these puppies are just my glasses and I guess I take  their boldness for granted. Anyway, I get comments daily from people I come into contact with about them. The comments are usually compliments mixed with some envy. It makes me sad to hear people say, "Wow, I love your glasses! I could never pull those off." or "I wish I could wear glasses like that but my boss would kill me!"

How confined must one be to societal norms to be frightened of something as inconsequential as wearing brightly colored glasses? To know that so many people are trapped in a conformist cage of their own choosing, even as they yearn to be free is depressing as hell. I've put myself in their shoes and the intense discomfort and pressure of having to always think, "What would they think of me?" with every decision you make is just WAY too much for me.

I understand their goal, I really do. It's part of who we are as human beings to be seen as part of a group of like-minded individuals. Life is so much easier when you don't have to battle against the flow of a mob. But I simply can't exist that way.

I lead a quiet rebellion against conformity. If there is a choice between doing what I want to do vs what everyone else is doing, I stick to my guns. I prefer the little things, whether it is wearing chartreuse glasses or suddenly taking a break to stop and smell the flowers or the breeze rustling leaves while other talk or interact with their phones. It's the little things that matter the most.