The Dark Side?

I keep reading about the "dark side" of INFJ personality types. It is written about in such a negative context and I don't understand why. If every INFJ out there was to remain 100% altruistic and NOT use their inherent knack for understanding others' motivations and behaviors for an ulterior motive...well, I have a feeling there would be a lot fewer INFJ's out there. I embrace the dark side of my nature. I just don't let it run amok.

I can see how INFJ's can be manipulative. Easily. Seriously, we know everything about you without talking to you. Every INFJ uses their super power to manipulate. Just because manipulation is happening, doesn't necessarily mean it is a bad thing.

Example: An INFJ is out with their friend (unknown type) shopping for a dress for a special occasion. The INFJ knows that their friend is super pumped about this occasion and wants to look their absolute best. An INFJ will not just come out and say, "That dress makes you look like a hippo on a McDonalds diet." We may think that but this is our friend so of course we won't say it. We love our friend. But because we love them, we'll say exactly the same thing but using different words. Because you don't let people you love think they look good in that dress either because...damn that dress looks awful on them. So what do we do? Manipulate. "Hm, I don't like the way the cut looks - it doesn't jive with your personality. Try this one instead." That would be more of an INFJ response. And since we pretty much know everything somehow, whether we realize it or not, the new dress will look phenomenal and the friend will love it. And love their INFJ friend for looking out for them. (You're welcome!)

People of other types try to do the same, unless they are just innate assholes (and they do exist...)  but other types aren't aware that what they are doing is manipulation. INFJ's understand and recognize what they are doing and have insane inner conflicts over whether it is the right thing to do. "Well, the color looks really good on her and it is the only dress in that color." BUT "that cut just highlights the wrong places - she looks uncomfortable like someone is squeezing all of her squishy spots." BUT "Who am I to say it doesn't look good on her?" AND "She really wants to look fantastic. I wouldn't be a good friend if I let her buy that awful garment. It is my duty to tell her the truth. But I don't want her to be self-conscious so I'll have to be nice about it. But still get my point across. Damn that dress is awful."

Sometimes those inner conflicts are as innocuous as guiding a friend in the right direction by knowing how that friend will react to criticism and communicate the opinion thoughtfully and productively. Other times those inner conflicts are much heavier and more impactful and they come with truly outrageous consequences that will forever weigh on us. And above all of that...you have to remember that a lot of what we think about is possibilities and the future - the chain of events. So, not all of our inner conflict pertains to anything that is actually currently happening. No, there is zero hyperbole here.

We know everything because at any given moment, a little piece of our brain is trying to solve a particular puzzle. Everything that little piece of brain learns as it solves the puzzle is transferred, somehow, to our mind palace or long-term memory - whatever you want to call it. I heard mind palace on Sherlock and fell in love with it.

We don't really control those little rogue pieces of brain, but they do their thing anyway. There seems to be quite a lot of them because we know SO MUCH USELESS SHIT. Even though it is mostly useless information, we store it anyway because one day, that shit will come in super handy. I'm reminded of how much information I absorb every now and again when someone asks a random question about something obscure and "DING!" I know the answer. Or I should say I'm the only one who knows the answer. This is why we always know everything and why 99% of the time...we are totally right.

It's manipulation but it's for a good cause and for the most part, we really are looking out for everyone's best interest even though sometimes we're really stupid and shitty about looking out for our own.

I think our manipulative abilities are what makes us so damned diplomatic. I know how everyone in a room will react to a statement, so I'll need to craft that statement to be as digestible as possible without losing the actual meaning of what I'm trying to say. We smooth the edges of words and phrases to make them not sting so much when they cut you but still get across what we are trying to convey. How can that be a bad thing?

Sure, I've heard that Hitler was an INFJ too. I think we all have heard that. If he was an INFJ, he just took the manipulation super power to the next level. Definitely crossing the line...which brings me to my next point: Responsibility.

I think that's what makes us so damned interesting. We see the line. We know it is there. We know how to just come to it but not cross it. Many others don't know about the line. Or where it ends or begins. Or just how close we come to crossing it. We understand everything. We see everything. We kinda know everything. I think the weight of the responsibility of managing ourselves in a civil and humane fashion when it comes to manipulation is what keeps us from crossing that line. We know all the rules and the gray areas because we obsessively think about everything...and with that comes the knowledge that we would be hypocrites if we cross that line. And we all know...hypocrites suck.

I know manipulation is just one of the "dark side" aspects but I think it is the one we observe the most easily because we just "get" people. We understand their motivations, why they behave the way they do, and how best to communicate with them.

I'll be digging into more "dark side" aspects and writing about them because I find it fascinating. We who know all and feel all have more depth than we even know. Thinking about it and writing about it just seem to increase my fascination so I guess I'll be learning more from this.

Also, to be perfectly honest, this post was fueled by beer. Thanks Yuengling!