Beauty

Beauty is the essence of life. I'm not talking about celebrities or models. No, I'm talking about the striking beauty of moments - snapshots of life that bloom and thrive as they are experienced.

Beauty is defined by perception. We form our reality based on our perception of the world around us by sensing and processing that sensory input. Everyone's reality is totally unique because different experiences and synapse connections in peoples' brains add color and shadow to how we process our world. Everyone's perception of beauty is also unique. Everyone has heard, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Well, it's true. You could take it a step further and say, "Reality is in the eye of the beholder." The point is experience is all about perception.

What fascinates me, as an aesthetic, is that beauty isn't passive. There is a whole rabbit hole of quantum mechanics that explores the very real possibility that nothing exists as we know it until it is observed. My theory is the same for beauty. We create moments of beauty by mindfully observing them. In order to see beauty, we must look for it. I don't mean we leave our house in the morning saying, "Hey I'm going to go hunt for some beauty." What I mean is that we have to be present because beauty exists in a moment. If we aren't paying attention - meaning we aren't in this present moment aware of our surroundings - we cannot perceive beauty.

Being present is awareness existing from moment to moment. If we aren't aware of each moment, are we really alive? Is there a point to living if we are not aware of the present moment? Appreciating the present is recognizing and appreciating beauty. Aesthetics forces one to always be present as one is always appreciating beauty.

While I recognize the importance of beauty, I don't know what to do with the experience. Beauty is transformative in that it shifts your entire focus to the current moment and, for that moment at least, you are not thinking about anything else. Beauty is a mental health tonic. It clears your mind for a moment and if you allow it to...it can clear your mind for a lot longer. You see, the more willing you are to see beauty in the world around you, the more of it you are likely to see. That works in the reverse as well - if your mind is so focused on your problems or the horrid events that happen every day, you are less and less able to see the beauty of the world. The less you live in the present, the less beauty you are likely to see.

Because of the obvious benefits of seeing and appreciating beauty, I want to share everything beautiful I see with the world, in the slightest off chance someone struggling with their life sees it and gains some perspective that eases their mind, making their day even a tiny bit better.

My problem is...how to share this ethereal moment?

I'm not a great painter but I try.
I'm not a great artist but I try.
I'm not a great writer but I try.

People look at me weird when I suddenly go all hazy-eyed and point out how striking that peony looks highlighted by a ray of sunshine peaking through the trees - I've learned that the hard way over the years - so how can I do this? How?

This is my struggle with beauty. This post brought to you by: the woods behind my house.

The Dark Side?

I keep reading about the "dark side" of INFJ personality types. It is written about in such a negative context and I don't understand why. If every INFJ out there was to remain 100% altruistic and NOT use their inherent knack for understanding others' motivations and behaviors for an ulterior motive...well, I have a feeling there would be a lot fewer INFJ's out there. I embrace the dark side of my nature. I just don't let it run amok.

I can see how INFJ's can be manipulative. Easily. Seriously, we know everything about you without talking to you. Every INFJ uses their super power to manipulate. Just because manipulation is happening, doesn't necessarily mean it is a bad thing.

Example: An INFJ is out with their friend (unknown type) shopping for a dress for a special occasion. The INFJ knows that their friend is super pumped about this occasion and wants to look their absolute best. An INFJ will not just come out and say, "That dress makes you look like a hippo on a McDonalds diet." We may think that but this is our friend so of course we won't say it. We love our friend. But because we love them, we'll say exactly the same thing but using different words. Because you don't let people you love think they look good in that dress either because...damn that dress looks awful on them. So what do we do? Manipulate. "Hm, I don't like the way the cut looks - it doesn't jive with your personality. Try this one instead." That would be more of an INFJ response. And since we pretty much know everything somehow, whether we realize it or not, the new dress will look phenomenal and the friend will love it. And love their INFJ friend for looking out for them. (You're welcome!)

People of other types try to do the same, unless they are just innate assholes (and they do exist...)  but other types aren't aware that what they are doing is manipulation. INFJ's understand and recognize what they are doing and have insane inner conflicts over whether it is the right thing to do. "Well, the color looks really good on her and it is the only dress in that color." BUT "that cut just highlights the wrong places - she looks uncomfortable like someone is squeezing all of her squishy spots." BUT "Who am I to say it doesn't look good on her?" AND "She really wants to look fantastic. I wouldn't be a good friend if I let her buy that awful garment. It is my duty to tell her the truth. But I don't want her to be self-conscious so I'll have to be nice about it. But still get my point across. Damn that dress is awful."

Sometimes those inner conflicts are as innocuous as guiding a friend in the right direction by knowing how that friend will react to criticism and communicate the opinion thoughtfully and productively. Other times those inner conflicts are much heavier and more impactful and they come with truly outrageous consequences that will forever weigh on us. And above all of that...you have to remember that a lot of what we think about is possibilities and the future - the chain of events. So, not all of our inner conflict pertains to anything that is actually currently happening. No, there is zero hyperbole here.

We know everything because at any given moment, a little piece of our brain is trying to solve a particular puzzle. Everything that little piece of brain learns as it solves the puzzle is transferred, somehow, to our mind palace or long-term memory - whatever you want to call it. I heard mind palace on Sherlock and fell in love with it.

We don't really control those little rogue pieces of brain, but they do their thing anyway. There seems to be quite a lot of them because we know SO MUCH USELESS SHIT. Even though it is mostly useless information, we store it anyway because one day, that shit will come in super handy. I'm reminded of how much information I absorb every now and again when someone asks a random question about something obscure and "DING!" I know the answer. Or I should say I'm the only one who knows the answer. This is why we always know everything and why 99% of the time...we are totally right.

It's manipulation but it's for a good cause and for the most part, we really are looking out for everyone's best interest even though sometimes we're really stupid and shitty about looking out for our own.

I think our manipulative abilities are what makes us so damned diplomatic. I know how everyone in a room will react to a statement, so I'll need to craft that statement to be as digestible as possible without losing the actual meaning of what I'm trying to say. We smooth the edges of words and phrases to make them not sting so much when they cut you but still get across what we are trying to convey. How can that be a bad thing?

Sure, I've heard that Hitler was an INFJ too. I think we all have heard that. If he was an INFJ, he just took the manipulation super power to the next level. Definitely crossing the line...which brings me to my next point: Responsibility.

I think that's what makes us so damned interesting. We see the line. We know it is there. We know how to just come to it but not cross it. Many others don't know about the line. Or where it ends or begins. Or just how close we come to crossing it. We understand everything. We see everything. We kinda know everything. I think the weight of the responsibility of managing ourselves in a civil and humane fashion when it comes to manipulation is what keeps us from crossing that line. We know all the rules and the gray areas because we obsessively think about everything...and with that comes the knowledge that we would be hypocrites if we cross that line. And we all know...hypocrites suck.

I know manipulation is just one of the "dark side" aspects but I think it is the one we observe the most easily because we just "get" people. We understand their motivations, why they behave the way they do, and how best to communicate with them.

I'll be digging into more "dark side" aspects and writing about them because I find it fascinating. We who know all and feel all have more depth than we even know. Thinking about it and writing about it just seem to increase my fascination so I guess I'll be learning more from this.

Also, to be perfectly honest, this post was fueled by beer. Thanks Yuengling!

Creation

Creating something beautiful is perhaps one of my favorite outlets for many of my ideas. Painting, building, drawing, sculpting, knitting, crocheting...all excellent outlets. I find that I'm happiest when I'm making something. Usually things I make are gifts - painted memory boxes for my nieces, a lace knit shawl for my mom, that sort of thing. I rarely make anything for myself, which I find odd but I guess that isn't the point of making something beautiful. I like to share my conception of beauty with those I love. Sometimes it is goofy (pictures of my mother's day gift to come) and sometimes it is bold and textured. It really depends on what moves me to make a gift for someone.

Here are some paintings I did for my youngest nephew. He's just a baby so these are going in his nursery when my sister decides to hang them up (which will hopefully be before the kid turns one...).

Cute huh? I had a blast making these and my sister loved them. Hope my cute little nephew loves them too!

Point of this post is making cool stuff rocks my stripey socks. If you get that, we can be best friends. :)

Awareness and Consideration

I am a considerate person. Probably too considerate. One of the things that I've struggled with my whole life is how incredibly rude and inconsiderate people are in general. Maybe it was how I was raised or maybe it is just because I'm INFJ, but I've always been aware of how my actions and behavior impact those around me. The fact that other people don't think this way baffles me.

Examples:
Traffic and driving - If I am in a merge lane and someone is trying to merge, I let them merge in front of me. If I'm in the left lane and a car comes up behind me looking to go faster, I switch lanes to allow them (if possible). If I'm driving in the rain and a pedestrian is trying to cross the road at a light, I motion for them to go...I'm not the one getting rained on.

In a store - If I have a cart full of groceries and am waiting in line, if someone comes into the line behind me with just a few items I let them go in front of me.

I think you get the picture. I am always considerate and err on the side of civility (the way I see it anyway) instead of selfishness.

The problem here is that no one reciprocates. It is a rare occasion indeed that others give me the same consideration that I give them. It has always bothered me - I equate being considerate of others to fairness. Everyone deserves to be treated fairly. When others are blatantly inconsiderate or unfair to me, it really pisses me off. Those are the times that I loathe humanity.

I know what you are thinking, "Life isn't fair, cupcake." Well, in my eyes, it damn well should be. I have no way of solving this and when I point out how rude or inconsiderate others are to their face, I am either ignored (which I absolutely hate) or my observation is met with indifference. How can people be so incredibly selfish and unaware of their surroundings that they just do what they want, no matter how "wrong" it is? It's like sitting on the subway and not letting an elderly person have your seat. How can people behave that way?

This rant was inspired by a trip to the store in which a mother and her child were waiting in line, holding a small basket of items, while a large (let's not mince words here: obese) young woman with two (2) carts full of crap was in front of her. There were other lines but they were all pretty long. I was waiting in the line next to them when a cashier walked over to tell everyone that they were opening another register. I watched in shock as the obese chick nearly ran over the mom to maneuver her TWO carts out of the line, to race over to the newly opened register. The mom hustled out of her way and walked over to the new register. The obese chick cut the mom off, banging her cart into the mom's shins, and without a word started to unload her TWO carts of crap onto the conveyer belt. The mom angrily confronted the obese woman about running into her and get this...the obese chick merely shrugged her shoulders and continued unloading her carts.

I'm just standing there, looking disgusted and the mom looks around her for allies - someone had to have seen that, right? Her kid starts crying and the obese woman has the gall to glare at the mom and say, "Why don't you shut up so your kid stops freaking out?"

At that point, I couldn't handle it anymore and marched over to support the mom. I'm not one for confrontation, especially when I'm angry because the meanest shit comes out of my mouth, but I let her have it. She deserved every nasty word I threw her way. I have to say, she took it like a champ but not another word came out of her mouth. The check out clerk was smirking and waved another employee over and said, "Hey, can you open a register and take these two ladies (pointed to the mom and me) first, please?" She then proceeded to ring out the fat chick as slowly has humanly possible, bagged her crap painstakingly slowly, smirking the entire time.

The mom was grateful to get rung out quickly, turned and smiled at me and walked past the fat chick who was not even halfway through one cart and flipped her off. Her kid did the same. I couldn't help it and burst out laughing. I did the same as I walked out, with a nod to the clerk who recognized the injustice in the first place.

In one experience, I witnessed both the scum of the earth and the righteous savior of humanity dishing and receiving justice. So, I had to write about it.

If everyone was just a little more aware of how their behavior impacts others around them, the world would be a much better place. Maybe it is vindictive of me to say, but I hope that fat woman is still waiting while being rung out for all of her prepackaged crap. Screw you lady. You suck.

And kudos to the clerk for being a hero (however trivial it may seem) to both that mom and to me.

How do you deal with witnessing injustice? Has the rudeness of others annoyed you to the point of confrontation? If so, I hope it went as well as this did.

Feeling Overwhelmed

This happens to me a lot. And by a lot I mean every day. Every. Single. Day.

Overstimulation has never really been an issue for me, like it is for many INFJ's. The sensory input my brain manages is pretty damn streamlined. Intake leads to internal processing that I don't even think about. I absorb and process my environment like a champ, regardless of how much is happening in my environment at any given time. I'm cool with stimulation.

No, my problem is workload. I have a to-do list that if written down, would probably stretch the length of a football field. This is both personal and professional tasks that I wish to complete. If I focus on one thing, which I'm great at, things are fine until that task is finished. Then, I look to my to-do list. Upon seeing the endless shit I've either promised others or myself I will accomplish, I go catatonic. Or I panic. Most of my anxiety comes from trying to figure out how to spend my time. This is why on weekends, when I have two whole days to do stuff, I end up staring into space (seriously) or reading.

This leads to problems. My to-do list is never shortened and the problems I need to solve are still there for me on Monday. It's endless and cumulative so the end just gets further and further away. I know there will always be something on my list but getting that narrowed down to fit on a regular sheet of paper would be nice. It's gotten to the point where I would rather vacuum my house than tackle something on my list because I just cannot decide what to do.

I love my husband, but he is no help in this aspect. He just wants me to be happy because he knows how hard I work. That just leads me to be lazy and procrastinate...only compounding the problem.

I really don't know how to fix this part of me. Even if work tasks were out of the picture, my personal goals are even longer and more complicated than anything my job in marketing could throw at me.

Here is an example of the cumulative effect...

After consulting my internal to-do list, I finally go through my clothes and divide into throw away, donate, and sell piles. The throw away pile is taken care of immediately (thanks to my husband...he likes throwing unneeded stuff away) but the donate pile and the sell pile are still in my office taking up a shit load of space. To make things worse, my cats love sitting on those piles, so now before I donate/sell I need to wash everything. Problem. I somehow haven't found the time to take the clothes to Goodwill/Salvation Army or to sell them at Plato's Closet. Even though it has been THREE WEEKS since I purged my closet of stuff that doesn't fit anymore. THREE WEEKS this stuff has been sitting around. I look at it every day, all day - it's in my office, right in front of my desk. You would think that should be enough to make me get rid of it but nope...still there.

The piles of clothes, in turn, make it very difficult for me to vacuum and clean my office. Guess what also hasn't been done? Ding ding ding! You got it - I haven't cleaned my office (or my house) for weeks either.

Because I haven't cleaned, I also haven't started any new craft projects. Why you ask? Because the pile of clothes is sitting on top of my art supplies chest. It's heavy. I can't open it.

I know if you are reading this you are probably thinking, what the hell is wrong with this chick? How lazy can one person be? I will admit that I am lazy but I'm also driven. Once I get that one task on my mind, I will focus, single-mindedly, until it is done. I almost feel like I need someone to go through my list and tell me what to do. Which then of course I wouldn't do because someone told me what to do. Being an INFJ is difficult because you always get in your own way. And nothing sucks more than being the cause of your own failure.

Do you feel overwhelmed a lot? How do you manage your life and the many ideas and things you want to accomplish? (Seriously, I need some ideas on how to fix this from other INFJs!!!)

Found this little quote on Pinterest...pretty much sums up my life.

And good ol' Fry tapping into my mind...

INFJ Business Trip Survival

I just got back from a business trip out to LA. I traveled with two of my colleagues, met with and worked multiple days in a row with seven people who work for my client, and managed to not withdrawal from society until I got home. I'm feeling inordinately proud of myself.

As an INFJ, I find spending an extended period of time with people completely exhausting. Luckily, the colleagues I traveled with I've known for years and love them dearly. They are so much fun to be around and though it is draining to maintain my bubbly social persona, they know me well enough to expect odd conversations and observations of random shit to come out of my mouth at any given time. Without the pressure maintaining small talk and avoiding interesting topics, well, I'm pretty sure that's the only reason I survived this trip.

The client I work with has some really interesting people that work with my team and I. They are all pretty nerdy (and I mean that in the absolutely most positive way possible) and are very into data analysis and developing marketing strategy. Needless to say...we had some fascinating conversations.

Ever since I discovered MB personality typing, I try to determine what types people are that I meet. I definitely think my two colleagues are ISFJ and  ENTP. My client's people are all INFP and ISTP. I think marketing attracts IN functions - I know and work with so many of them. Probably the ability to spot trends and grasping the bigger picture. The Ni function can be pretty damn useful!

There were a few instances during my meetings and training sessions that I must have been wearing the INFJ stare because a couple of the presenters avoided eye contact with me. It happens a lot - I always look people in the eyes, even though some people become uncomfortable. I just can't help it. If you are speaking to me or an audience that includes me, I'm going to make eye contact because I'm looking at you and listening to what you are saying.

After learning more about how my mind operates, I feel like I've been able to bolster my strengths and begin to understand better modes of communicating with people that I've had issues working with in the past. It has been hugely helpful. I didn't feel awkward or nervous when meeting with all of these people either...such a relief!

I have made huge strides in how I deal with these types of situations...not all trips have been as good as this one. I want to keep improving!

The reason I wrote this post was because I saw the picture below online. First, it cracked me up. Then, it got me thinking about the personae we wear to adapt to different situations and what each persona obscures.

I don't know where the picture originated but I found it here: https://thegusmay.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/infj-compicaded.jpg



How do you handle traveling for business?